one hundred

so, this is my one hundredth post. too funny. i can't believe i've actually kept up with this thing long enough to reach a hundred posts! so, let's see... in 6 months, more or less, that means i've posted, like 16 1/2 times a month or so. so yeah, once every 2 or 3 days.

i guess you're all part of my life now! :)

it's been a while since my last text post, and i felt i was remiss in my commenting...

life has been fairly normal, mundane even. lots of diapers have been changed, tears have been shed, babies have gone to bed at normal times, etc. etc. i find myself longing for our life to seem more significant.

it's not that i'm underestimating the job i've been given. far from it. this is the most important thing i will ever do with my life, and i'm cool with that. it just seems so... normal. i think, for most of my life, i have been searching for something that wasn't there. the adventure that seemed just around the corner. a new hobby, a new crusade.

and now, the days slow into weeks, and i find it's been 3 days since i've talked to anyone other than my mother, zoe or spencer. and i'm happy. i'm not feeling the same longing to pack everything up in a suitcase and backpack across europe, or drive to texas just because. but somehow, i feel a need for something more.

i hope i find it. i know the Lord has plans for us that we can't even imagine. it just seems like we're waiting for something to happen, or maybe it's just me. a strange dichotomy of desire... i desire for life to be more fantastic, in the true sense of the word. and yet, i don't want to miss a single second of zoe's life. i want her to stay small forever, and i can't wait for her to grow up at the same time.

maybe it's just growing pains. the easing into a new shirt, breaking in a new pair of jeans. i'm still working on breaking in my life. my new life. forgive my ramblings. i'm still trying to reconsider who i am, what i am, in light of the new responsibilities and joys that i have.

so yeah. i'm content and discontent. i want to matter, and i know i already do.

and i think that's why i haven't really posted any words or musings. i'm trying to figure out what it all means. but i know i will.