Wednesday, March 11

so, here we are again. after another long delay. in all honesty, all the changes and uncertainty in our life has made it pretty un-motivating for me to blog. as lame as that sounds, it's easier to hide my life from everyone when i'm ashamed of it. i know that almost everything that's happened this year isn't our fault, and there might have only been a few things we could have changed. at least i know it in my head. but who really likes to post pictures of their kid growing up at grandma and grandpa's house because they can't find work, can't afford a car, can't figure out what they're doing with their life. and so yeah, it's been easier not to post.

we were given a car last week, something that brought spencer and i a lot of hope. hope that we really are gonna get to start over. that our life is about to change. hope that we can use our tax money to put a deposit on an apartment, and really get on our own. until 3 days ago. when 2 of spencer's 3 remaining molars decided to go insane on him. he's not slept in 3 days, and the pain has been excruciating. i get so angry when this happens, because it's just not fair. he keeps losing tooth after tooth, and before long, there's gonna be nothing left. he's having surgery on monday, getting 2 more teeth removed. leaving him with 1 molar. just 1. and to pay for that surgery, since the 2 weeks we got of unemployment compensation this january made us ineligible for medicaid, we're having to use our deposit money. i'm so frustrated with everything right now. i know God is in control of all of this. i know this. but it's so hard to hang onto hope when every circumstance seems to thwart our ability to move on. supposedly, because spence's unemployment was put on hold for 2 months, we're going to receive those 8 weeks in a lump sum. which would repay the deposit money, and give us our chance to start over. without those 8 weeks, we're going to have to stay here longer, possibly miss the summer semester and move when we can save the money up again.

i know this isn't what you come here for. you come for sweet pictures of your grand-daughter, your great-grand-daughter, your cousins, family you've never met in person. but i'm so tired of hiding all these fears. and frustrations. pray for us. pray that we are able to move on with our life. instead of stuck in a borrowed bedroom, hoping to one day start over. pray for spencer's mouth. the situation is not good, and he is in constant agony from his mouth. even when his teeth aren't acting up, he's hurting all the time. i hate it. i can't even describe the fury i feel because of him being in pain. pray that for once, the red tape gets brushed aside, and we're able to get back the 8 weeks we should have already received. pray i learn to pray more, and whine less.

i'll be posting pictures of zoë soon. i need to upload them from the camera. and maybe next time you hear from me, we'll have better news to share.

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