frustrations

merry christmas!

we made it through another holiday season here at chez mills, replete with lots of food, loud toys, and now, the new introductions of temper tantrums and time outs.

i am sitting at the foot of our bed, typing, and i can here zoë yelling at spencer in the other room, more than likely because he is not letting her eat cake. she's discovered that there are yummy sweet things to eat when everyone gets together, and she is pretty mad at us for not sharing. she's snuck a fair share of helpings of cranberry sauce, but my thought is that it's better than the chocolate cake and gingerbread cookies that have been passed around.

i got a chance to videotape everything, yesterday and today, minus the annual holiday chow fest. the question remains whether i can actually get everything to post. i've been unable to upload pictures onto our computer for months, and now i am having issues with blogger posting pictures. i know i've been promising pictures for a month and a half, but i have been having such issues. i don't know if it's time to switch to another host or what. i have been attempting to post pictures once a week for 6 weeks, to no avail. i'm certainly frustrated with my inability to let you all see miss cutie pants, but i'll just keep trying.

so, in lieu of a new years wrap up, or a hard copy christmas letter, i'll just post all the things i would have said instead.

this year has easily been one of the hardest i have ever lived through. and at the same time, i can't believe all the stuff we've faced, because the grace of the Lord has really been there.

we found out last week that spencer is no longer a candidate for the job in washington. he called up there, just wondering if it were something he was doing wrong (since the job hunt has not gone well this year) and their response was no surprise. there were over 3000 people who applied for just over 300 positions, so the jobs went to the most qualified. they told spencer he met the qualifications for the job, but there were other candidates who were even more qualified, with previous military or police experience. the first couple of days were kinda tough. we were left wondering, now what? i think that has been the hardest part of this year. not knowing how to escape this situation we find ourselves in, homeless, carless, jobless. we're still wondering.

one thought we had, and we're both praying about it, as it will entail some large sacrifices, is for both of us to go to college. i'm about 4 semesters away from my degree, and i have been feeling urged to return to college. the plan is to get an art education degree, with a teaching certification, so that if homeschooling laws change, i will at least have a certification to teach. spencer has such a mind for history, and anthropology. he is already a regular conversant with some of the top minds in genetics, specifically as it relates to human migration patterns, and other historic sociological concepts. i think i am not alone when i say, for him to spend the rest of his life behind the wheel of a tractor trailer will be the waste of a God given intellect. so now we're here, at another junction in our lives, praying the Lord shows us the path.

we've been so broke this year, that we will qualify for quite a bit of grant money, and i already qualify for the Hope scholarship. so other than spencer's first year, which will be paid out of pocket until he qualifies for the Hope, everything would be paid for. tuition by the state, housing by grants, and our basic living expenses by either remaining grant money or a part time job. i guess i'm saying all this, to say, pray for us. we can't make it through another year like this one with the same questions again. we desperately need a car, and a plan. we think we're putting one together, but as always, it's open to the Lord changing things.

i don't know if i would have written all this in a christmas letter, as it's not exactly the typical christmas letter fare. i can say this, we are so grateful for the gifts and support you've all been giving us all year. there are letters that have come at such a timely junction, when we were really discouraged over how we would pay our bills for the month. i can't express enough how much encouragement has come from family and friends this year. i was worried about how we would clothe zoë next year, and wouldn't you know it, she got a huge pile of clothes for christmas. i know i shouldn't worry about what the future holds, because this year has certainly shown me, the Lord is watching over us, and will not let us fall. He might allow everything to crumble around us, but He's still holding us.

we love you guys so much, and zoë sends kisses and hugs through the internet. we're praying that you all have the same kind of year we've had, without the losing everything, but with the knowledge that our Father is watching over all of us, making sure we keep holding onto Him.

love,
catherine, spencer and zoë beans.